Wednesday, 7 December 2011

I am Awkward.

I've come to a realization that I am in fact awkward.

I am awkward at work.
I am awkward at church.
I am awkward at university.

I never use to be awkward or quiet or even boring.
Sometimes I think myself to be boring, I feel that people around me find me boring because I don't drink or party.
Sometimes I feel like I'm awkward because I'm viewed as a teenager still, not the married woman that I am. But, in fact thats another awkward thing about me, I am a 20 year old who has been married for a year already. To most people, thats weird. So they think I'm weird.

I feel that people don't think I have a personality because they don't give me the chance to show it.

People call me timid and not outgoing, but I know that in actual fact, I'm not either of those things, I have a voice that no one hears because I'm not the outspoken or loud character. I feel people see my innocence as weird. And just because I'm a 'church girl' they automatically think I'm strange.

I find that my conversations are strained or awkward sometimes because I have nothing to say that people will find interesting, or I find it interesting but they don't.

I use to out and party with my school friends, but since I started university I don't,  I don't want to go out clubbing.
I also feel like I'm not part of a group or clique anymore, it's just me. I am happy in my solitude but there are times I feel lonely. Loneliness is a form of being. You can be lonely in a good way, or you can be lonely. Full stop. There is no more.

There are times I lay in bed unable to get out because I have nothing to do, I have nothing to do but the same things over and over again.

 I sometimes get emotional because I don't have many friends where I live, or that my friends live far away from me, or we've lost contact.

I know I have brilliant friends that comfort me and care for me, I know that I have a wonderful husband who looks after me and strives to make me happy and I have a family who adore me.

I am awkward. But I am me.







Posted by at 13:44

10 comments:

  1. beady7 December 2011 at 15:34

    I relate to this SO much!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mateers7 December 2011 at 19:34

    I feel like this too, esp at work

    ReplyDelete
  3. Monica and Whitney7 December 2011 at 21:00

    haha. my husband and I always talk about how awkward we are.

    Ask the Duplex

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Button Rose19 January 2012 at 11:00

      Haha my husband thinks he made me awkward, bless him!

      Delete
  4. Alycia Grayce (Crowley Party)7 December 2011 at 22:47

    I think we are all awkward and people just like to pretend that their not haha :) Fun post!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gen McK8 December 2011 at 11:45

    We don't fit any of the world's 'normal' profiles being married and so young, so we're making a new category. I think that's cool because I've found that a lot of young people would like to be married and a lot of married people would like to be younger! - It doesn't make you weird to have both.
    You probably should get some new friends though, because your current ones - like me - are rubbish and don't keep in contact. Sorry!
    Love you loads x x x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Melanie9 January 2012 at 20:46

    I can empathise, or sympathise (whichever is right) and I am awkward too :) I've tried to embrace my awkwardness and just go with it. Enjoy your awkwardness and others won't see it as such, just part of your personality :)
    I hope that made sense even if it didn't help :)

    ReplyDelete

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